Talking to kids about their private parts is crucial for their safety and confidence. Here’s how you can approach these conversations effectively:
- Teach correct names: Use proper terms like penis, vagina, and anus to avoid confusion and normalize discussions.
- Explain privacy: Use the "bathing suit rule" to define private parts simply.
- Set boundaries: Teach kids about safe, unsafe, and unwanted touches.
- Practice safety steps: Use "No, Go, Tell" to help kids handle uncomfortable situations.
- Start early: Begin age-appropriate talks during daily routines like bath time.
- Build trust: Keep conversations open and ongoing to encourage kids to share concerns.
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These strategies empower children to communicate clearly, understand boundaries, and seek help when needed.
Correct Names for Body Parts
Why Using Proper Terms Matters
Teaching children the correct names for their body parts is essential for their safety and communication. When kids know and use accurate terms, they can express concerns more clearly, making it easier for adults to understand and respond to potential issues.
"Kids need to feel it’s natural and not embarrassing or wrong to use the correct names for all their body parts. Giving cute or silly names only to private body parts can send the signal that you’re uncomfortable talking about them." [2]
Using slang or nicknames can lead to confusion, as these terms often differ across families and communities. Teaching proper terminology helps normalize discussions about private parts, reducing any sense of shame or discomfort. It reinforces the idea that private parts are just like any other body parts, such as arms or legs. Below are the key terms every parent should teach.
Key Anatomical Terms to Teach
Here are the essential terms to introduce to your child:
| Body Part | Description or Context |
|---|---|
| Penis | External male genitalia |
| Vagina | External female genitalia |
| Bottom | Buttocks area |
| Breasts | Chest area |
| Nipples | Part of chest anatomy |
| Anus | Part of the digestive system |
Once children learn these terms, the next step is to incorporate them naturally into daily conversations.
How to Introduce These Terms
You can use these terms during everyday routines like bath time, diaper changes, or potty training. Teaching proper vocabulary ensures children can communicate clearly if something is wrong, including situations involving abuse. Your comfort level with these discussions will shape how your child perceives and approaches the topic.
A simple way to explain privacy is to say that private parts are the areas covered by a swimsuit. This explanation is clear, age-appropriate, and helps set boundaries for privacy rules.
Keep the tone neutral and matter-of-fact. If your child uses a slang term, gently correct them by introducing the proper word while acknowledging their effort to communicate. This method not only builds their confidence in using accurate language but also fosters open conversations about body safety.
Safety Rules and Boundaries
What Are Private Parts
Use the ‘bathing suit rule’ to explain private parts: these are the areas covered by a swimsuit. This simple guideline helps children quickly understand which parts are private and why they require special safety rules – just like wearing a helmet or looking both ways before crossing the street.
Touch Rules
Teach children about three types of touch involving private areas:
| Type of Touch | Definition | Examples |
|---|---|---|
| Safe Touch | Necessary for health or hygiene | Doctor check-ups, help with bathing |
| Unsafe Touch | Hurts or causes fear | Hitting, pushing, or touching private parts without permission |
| Unwanted Touch | Harmless but not welcomed by the child | Forced hugs, unwanted tickling, unexpected touches |
Explain that touches needed for health or hygiene, like during a doctor’s visit, should never be kept secret. Help kids understand the difference between fun surprises, like a birthday gift, and secret touches, which should always be shared with a trusted adult.
Teaching Kids to Say No
Help your child confidently refuse unwanted contact by teaching the "No, Go, Tell" method:
- Say "No": Use clear phrases in uncomfortable situations, like "No, thank you; I don’t want a hug right now", "I don’t like that", or "I am the boss of my body."
- Go Away: Move hands away, step back, or find a safe place.
- Tell a Trusted Adult: Identify trusted adults (parents, teachers, counselors) they can approach if someone breaks the rules.
Practicing these steps regularly helps children feel more confident and reassures them that it’s always okay to speak up.
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Talks by Age Group
Ages 2-5
At this age, kids are naturally curious about their bodies. Start with simple, straightforward conversations using correct anatomical terms like nipples, breasts, bottom, penis, vagina, and anus. Avoid using nicknames, as they can confuse kids or suggest discomfort about these body parts.
Use everyday moments – like bath time or diaper changes – to introduce ideas about body awareness and safety. If a child touches their private parts out of curiosity, explain that while it’s normal, these areas are private.
Reinforce the "bathing suit rule" regularly to keep the message clear and consistent.
Ages 6-9
As kids get older, their questions become more complex, requiring more detailed answers. Build on earlier lessons with more structured discussions, focusing on these key areas:
| Topic | Key Points | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Body Safety | Safe vs. unsafe touching | Use simple, clear language to explain the difference between safe and unsafe touches. |
| Trust Network | Identifying trusted adults | Help your child name five specific people they can turn to if they ever feel unsafe. |
| Online Safety | Digital boundaries | Teach that pictures or videos of private body parts should never be taken or shared. |
Ages 10-12
As kids approach puberty, conversations should expand to cover new changes and challenges. Discuss physical changes, respecting their own and others’ bodies, and online safety, including managing personal images and recognizing inappropriate behavior.
Encourage open dialogue by asking questions like:
- "What do you think changes when people grow older?"
- "How do you think someone should show respect for another person’s privacy?"
- "What would you do if someone made you feel uncomfortable?"
Keep these talks casual and ongoing, instead of turning them into formal lectures. Remind your child that they can always come to you with questions or concerns. Research shows that open conversations about these topics can lower the risk of sexual abuse and help kids delay sexual activity [5].
Parent Help Tools
Books for Learning
Here are some helpful books to guide age-appropriate conversations about body safety and privacy:
| Age Group | Recommended Books | Key Features | Price |
|---|---|---|---|
| Ages 2–5 | "Amazing You!" | Introduces private parts in simple terms | $8.82 |
| "Who Has What?" | Explains differences between boys’ and girls’ bodies | $12.31 | |
| Ages 6–9 | "My Body! What I Say Goes!" | Emphasizes consent and boundaries | $16.95 |
| "It’s NOT the Stork!" | Covers body science in an age-appropriate way | $11.69 | |
| Ages 10–12 | "It’s So Amazing!" | Provides detailed body knowledge | $14.99 |
| "From Diapers to Dating" | A guide for parents of pre-teens | $14.00 |
"Finally, a book that weaves in the correct terminology for genitals with all other body parts. Your Whole Body will teach children the names of the body parts from head to toe, normalizing words that are often uncomfortable for adults to say."
– Feather Berkower, LCSW, Child Sexual Assault Prevention Educator [7]
Reading these books is a great starting point, but pairing them with everyday conversations makes the lessons stick.
How to Start Talks
Using practical conversation starters can make these discussions feel natural. Here are some examples:
During Bath Time:
- "Let’s name all our body parts as we wash them."
- "Remember, these are your private parts that only you, doctors, or caregivers can touch for health reasons."
When Getting Dressed:
- "These parts are covered by underwear because they’re private."
- "Just like we name our eyes and ears, we use proper names for private parts too."
"It’s important they know the correct words for all body parts, including their penis or vagina, and their functions. Not only does this send the message that it’s OK to talk about private parts, it helps them identify those parts for health or injury reasons later on, should they need to." [4]
More Help Options
If you’re looking for additional resources, here are some tools and programs to support your efforts:
Online Tools and Training:
- ChildSafe: Offers training materials for parents and caregivers [8].
- NetSmartz: Provides resources on body safety and online protection for various age groups [8].
- Body Safety Toolkit: Includes printable worksheets and activities for kids aged 3–9 ($27) [9].
Workshops:
The Erin Levitas Foundation offers "First Talk" workshops, available in-person or online, that cover topics like:
- Starting conversations about safety
- Teaching boundaries
- Becoming a trusted adult
- Engaging grandparents in prevention efforts
- Setting positive examples
Additionally, for every "Every Body Talk" book purchased (hardcover $17.99), one is donated to a family in need [6].
Main Points to Remember
Clear, ongoing conversations about body safety help children feel empowered. Here’s a summary of key strategies to reinforce these lessons:
-
Build Trust Through Regular Conversations: Instead of relying on a single "big talk", have natural, ongoing discussions. As Kids First Inc. explains:
"Parents should not just have ‘the talk’ with children, but multiple, natural conversations over time so that children know it is safe to talk about these subjects" [1].
- Use Clear and Simple Language: Replace terms like "good touch/bad touch" with "safe touch/unsafe touch" to avoid confusion [3].
-
Establish a Safety Network: Help your child identify five trusted adults they can turn to for help. Encourage them to keep speaking up until someone listens.
"Children learn through repetition. How many times do you remind children to look both ways before crossing the street?"
– Kids First Inc. [1]. -
Teach Correct Names for Body Parts: Consistently use accurate terms to make it easier for children to report concerns. Reinforce that only areas covered by a swimsuit are private, and emphasize respect for personal boundaries. Early, Open, Often explains:
"Kids need to feel it’s natural and not embarrassing or wrong to use the correct names for all their body parts" [2].
- Model Respect and Consent: Teach children that their body belongs to them. Use the bathing suit rule and demonstrate the importance of consent in everyday interactions [10].
